We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Statistically I Love You

from An Album Of Unnecessary Detail by Helen Arney

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

about

As heard in the APOUD episode "HEARTS AND MINDS", it's the world's first mathematically accurate love song, by nerds and for nerds.

Listen to the whole episode by searching for "Unnecessary Detail" wherever you get your podcasts, or head to:
festivalofthespokennerd.com/podcast

Watch the song performed live on YouTube:
youtu.be/uggtGH0d97k

lyrics

Baby, I’ve looked at this empirically
And I think you’re the one for me
Plus or minus three

You’re my man
And I want you to understand
How it feels when I hold your hand
So I’ll draw a Venn diagram

Statistically I love you
Mathematically I need you
Graphically I want you
And on average, I’m going to make you mine

You’re beautiful
My love for you is irrational
It’s constant, it’s recurring* and it’s infinite
And you can use it to calculate
The circumference of a circle of any known diameter
Maybe that’s not love
Maybe I’m just thinking of pi
Aah… pie…
Statistically I love you

If you were a logarithm I’d be your exponential
When you grasp my arithmetic I find it very sensual
Give me your raw data and I’ll show you my conclusion
Give me a new equation and I’ll name a biscuit after you
Like Choco Leibniz
Fig Newton
Petit Four-ier **
Chocolate Neils Bohr-bon
Thomas Hobbes-Nob and
Pythagoras Cream

Statistically I love you
Therefore logically I need you
And rhetorically: do I want you?
And theoretically, you are already mine…


* the word “recurring” should be “non-recurring”, of course :)
** Technically a cake

credits

from An Album Of Unnecessary Detail, track released March 29, 2022

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Helen Arney London, UK

"Geek Songstress" Helen Arney is the UK's finest purveyor of comedy songs with a scientifically verified twist.

"Champion of musical whims" Evening Standard
**** ”Harnesses the spirit of Ben Folds & the Divine Comedy’s Neil Hannon… delightful” (Chortle)

Also one third of Festival of the Spoken Nerd and author of "The Element In The Room"
... more

contact / help

Contact Helen Arney

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this track or account

Helen Arney recommends:

If you like Helen Arney, you may also like: