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My Dad is a Morris Dancer

from Songs for Modern Loving by Helen Arney

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about

Based on a true story (from a friend of mine)

lyrics

LYRICS - My Dad Is A Morris Dancer

My dad is a Morris Dancer
He’s an English country prancer

We never did the normal things that families like to do
Like watching Strictly on the box or going to the zoo

Instead we drive to Berkhamstead
And he dances round in a horses head
Me and my brother have to help
By sewing on bells till our fingers bled
Our mother thinks that he should get
A proper job instead
I wish I was dead

His uniform is whiter than white
He trains for hours every night
Cos he's a major Morris-Man, he's not a Morris Minor
We think it's a stupid dance, he thinks there's nothing finer

Thank hankies, sashes, bells and sticks
The kids at school all take the mick
The bullies always try to nick
My lunch money it makes me sick
Even the teachers call him a freak
And say he's wrong in the head
I wish they were dead

Then one day it happened
The thing no-one imagined
A space ship full of aliens landed in our town
Not friendly ones but ugly ones with teeth and massive mouths

They started wobbling down the street
Looking for something good to eat
They thought the postman tasted sweet
But the butcher tasted of rotten meat
They ate them all but left the feet
I think we’re going to end up dead
I’m hiding in my bed

Things are looking bad
But we hadn’t counted on my dad
Cos he’s endowed with special powers that we never knew he had
He grabbed his bells and sticks and dressed in white he headed out

To the sound of an accordion
He danced towards the aliens
Fearless, brave without a gun
Hankies waving in formation

The aliens screamed and turned to run
Back to their space station
And blasted off towards the sun

He saved us from the attack
Maybe my dad’s not such a prat

So now there are no more days off
For human/alien face-offs
My dad’s a hero – yeah that’s cool
But I still have to go back to school…
I wish I was dead
I’m hiding in my bed
I think I’ll send my dad instead

credits

from Songs for Modern Loving, released August 1, 2010
Ukulele and vocals by Helen Arney

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about

Helen Arney London, UK

"Geek Songstress" Helen Arney is the UK's finest purveyor of comedy songs with a scientifically verified twist.

"Champion of musical whims" Evening Standard
**** ”Harnesses the spirit of Ben Folds & the Divine Comedy’s Neil Hannon… delightful” (Chortle)

Also one third of Festival of the Spoken Nerd and author of "The Element In The Room"
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