LYRICS - Christmas 1994

Every family has one gory legend of a Christmas past
More drama than a Dickens story, I will tell you ours…

Remember Christmas 1994
We had just BBC, ITV, and Channel 4,
But Christmas Day 1994
We watched nothing at all

Father knew the night before, when the video spat out its shiny tape all on the floor
He wanted to record Match of the Day, but ended up with just magnetic tinsel on display
Our Radio Times marked up with what to watch and what to tape
The schedule set in stone after weeks of tough debate
Christmas day will be a mess
Without a working VHS

Oh the Horror of Christmas ‘94
Having to agree on watching one thing on TV
Disastermas 1994
Will it be ITV, Channel Four or BBC?

One Foot In The Grave or the Christmas special Heartbeat, Keeping Up Appearances or Coronation Street?
Mum craves Sleeping Beauty, Son is mad for Robin Hood, Dad’s all for Sinatra, Grandpa wants Victoria Wood,
Forget about the turkey, and the unwrapped Christmas socks
Everyone’s dissatisfied with what is on the box
But one thing we all agree on
We’ll definitely watch the Queen on…

Christmas Day 1994
Before iPlayer, ITV online, no 4OD
Traumatic Xmas 1994
Today a broken video – will destroy the family

Mum is in hysterics, Uncle Jerry screams out loud, Grandpa’s had a drink or 2, he’s starting to get mad
Son wants his own way and tries to hijack the remote, Dad leaps across the coffee table, grabs him by the throat,
The noise is so intense that the neighbours call in the police,
Grandpa take it all too far, throws a punch, that knocks a lamp, which hits chair, that bumps a frame, that throws a picture of the happy family right into the centre of the TV screen…

That was Christmas 1994
Officially cautioned for disturbing the peace
Horrendousmas 1994
On Boxing Day we all went out and bought our own TVs

Heinous Christmas 94
Before iPlayer, ITV online, no 4OD
Atrociousmas 1994
The day a broken video almost destroyed our family.